In the morning, as soon as I came to work, I was told that the director had asked about me. I entered the waiting room and greeting the secretary asked her why the director needed me.
- I don"t know -she said.
Looking into the mirror and setting my skull-cap right I half opened the Director"s room and asked:
- May I come in?
- Aa-aa, there you are -Adalatov said. I greeted him, and he pointed to the chair:
- Sit down.
As I sat down Kalankhan Adalatov went on:
- I have a special mission for you.
- It"s my pleasure - I said - what is it?
- The task is not so simple, of course, - the Director went on - but I think you will cope with it. Do you remember my friend Tofik Tulagenich from Itpalkhan?
I thought a little and then said:
- Why, yes of course, I remember him. He is a shoemaker, isn"t he? The one who wounded his old father with a hammer, in a state of drunkenness. He then served a term of imprisonment.
- Yeah, that very man, - said the director, - a friend of mine with a false diploma. Last year he nominated for election to the Chamber of Deputies, and he made it. He is a big man now. We met at the party committee the other day and he said: "We need a reliable man. There"s an important thing for him. We guarantee a big salary. He will have many things to do. Business trips abroad, negotiations and all. In short, you will travel on public transport instead of him.
I opened my mouth wide in surprise:
- How can travel instead of him? People that voted for him will not take me for his personality.
- Don"t worry, - Adalatov said -everything has been well thought over. You"ll put on a mask, and everything will be ok, as they say. You will be traveling on a bus, going to work by metro and by tram so that people might see and say: "Our Deputy Tofic Tulegenich is a modest man. Look, he is traveling by tram along with common people". To make a long story short, I am your commander, and you are a soldier of Uvada Factory. From now on you are on a business trip. Go home. Uvada Factory and the proletariat of all lands are behind you. Go. Here is his address.
I said good bye to the Director and left his office. I went home to consult my wife. She didn"t agree with me, of course.
- Don"t go there, dadasi, - she said - it"s dangerous.
I didn"t listen to her. I packed my things in a sack and made my way to the address I had been given.
I found Tofik Tulegenich playing golf in his country house, a real villa. A pack of donkey size dogs with golden collars attacked me. I stood stock still. If it were not for the guards who stopped them, they would have torn me to pieces.
- Who are you? - the guards asked - What do you want?
I explained.
They put me into the car that looked like a lawn mower going up and down a smooth clean asphalted road. When we arrived at the golf course Tofik Tulegenich stood there smoking a cigarette, club in hand, and a baseball cap on, with the peak turned back,. He didn"t even look at me, actually. The guards went up to him and told him the whole of my story.
Tofik Tulegenich hit the ball with the club, and it flew up the lawn towards the little flag. When the ball rolled into the hole Tofik Tulegenich raised his head and said:
Take him to the instructor. Let him learn for a couple of weeks. We shall see then.
The guards put me into the car again and we set out towards a two-storied building with black-out windows. I got acquainted with my instructor who gave me all I needed for study. From then on I resided in the villa learning things. Within the two weeks I had learnt all the habits and patterns of behavior of Tofik Tulegenich.
When I had finished the course I passed all the exams successfully, and they gave me a certificate with Deputy"s credentials, congratulated me, provided me with shoes and clothes and made me put on a mask.
I picked my bag, went out and I took a bus to go to town. As was riding on the bus I noticed that people were stealthily casting glances at me. In particular, one burly man looking like a shark, with fishy eyes, stared at me as if I had killed his father or something. Then he came up to me and said:
- Ah-aa a, you scoundrel, there you are! Where are you electoral promises? You took a vow that you would carry out people"s mandates! You promised to fix the roads, equip houses with modern amenities, improve the living conditions in town and all. You sad: "Vote for me, in six months you will get vodka in shops for free. Where is the free vodka? Answer, you jackal!"
The shark started strangling me, like a python.
I choked and uttered:
- When did I make those promises? I have never promised anything to anybody! My instructor didn"t tell me anything about it!
My words enraged the shark driving him out of his wits. He opened his eyes wide like a
bull on a corrida public spectacle. The whites of his eyes looked like pieces of cotton from a torn mattress. He shouted:
- Gosh! He doesn"t even remember what he promised! We must knock on his chump to remind him of that! Instead of keeping his promises, he has built a luxurious villa out of town! Thrash him!
They started walloping me from all sides. I was a living sack for them. I used my hands and arms as defensive tools to defend against their attacks. They hit me on the head, some with a rucksack, others with a balalaika.
. When I regained consciousness I was lying on the ground at the bus stop, more dead than alive. The moon was sadly rambling about the night sky. Setting myself against the pole, I got up staggering like a drunkard, stopped a taxi and went to Tofik Tulegeniche"s villa. I paid the taxi driver for the lift, and he left. The skinhead guards in dark eye-glasses came out and asked:
- What"s the matter with you, boss? Why are you limping?
I could hardly answer their questions. They put me into the car and took me to the cottage where Tofik Tulegeniche lived with his wife. The latter met me at the entrance. She hugged me warmly and asked:
- Wow, Tofik, what"s the matter with you? Who"s hurt you? Oh, my God!
Then she shouted to the guards:
- Why are you staring, you spongers?! What do we pay you for? Get lost! I don"t want to see you!
I wanted to say that I was not Tofik Tulegenich but his double. But she wouldn"t let me speak.
- You"d better keep silent - she said. Speaking is bad for your health. Let us gо, darling. I will put you to bed. We will take a bath, and then I will call a doctor. Oh, Tofik, dear, so many times I have told you not to walk alone without a bodyguard. That"s the result. God forbid, they will kill you, darling. How can I live without you? You should be careful, dear!
Saying that, she took me to a gorgeous hall with a warm massaging bath. She undressed and washed me and lay me down on the hydraulic sofa in the bed-room with candles burning around and a tiger-skin from Ussuryisk hanging on the wall.
Not willing to be disclosed I refused to see the doctor. Tofic"s wife stripped naked and lay down by my side. She cuddled up to me and started kissing me passionately. Again, unwilling to be disclosed, I couldn"t say "no" to a woman. "Come what may! - I thought - I have been suffering so long. I might as well enjoy myself a little".
We didn"t sleep till morning. Acting like mad in bed, she nearly tore me to pieces. At last she spread her white and smooth arms on the bed-sheet and closing her eyes said:
- Well, well, Tofik! You have cheated me, really! Cunning man you!
- Why?
- You have always avoided doing it, haven"t you? You said you were impotent. You joker! You happen to be a real man! I am proud of you. You didn"t let me sleep till morning, my dear cowboy. Now we are going to have a baby. I feel it with all my heart. We will have an heir now! Do you hear? Oh, Tofik, I am so happy! And again she started kissing me all over.
After a nice breakfast I dressed and with the help of the guards went downtown. As we got to the place I sent them back and dropped in at an office. In the toilet of that office I took off the mask, tidied myself up and went out into the street. Then I went home. The following day I went to work and reported to the director on a successful accomplishment of the secret mission. Kalankhan Adalatov shook my hand and announced gratitude.