In search of a niche.

1

Leo Koifman met Nikolay Grechko on the first day of his new job. As usual for big companies, the first day was spent filling out forms, listening to online safety training and other rubbish. After completing all the questionnaires, in which Koifman promised not to climb things unnecessarily, put his body into rotating machines, solicit employees during working hours and steal secret documents, he decided to take a short coffee break.

Near the microwave in the kitchen, Leo encountered a huge, bearded man was busy with some food boxes. The guy looked like a typical Russian man. In Canada, there were many immigrants from the post-Soviet republics, especially Ukrainians, who immigrated more than hundred years ago. However, as children of Russian immigrants typically lack the Russian language, Leo decided to not ask man in the kitchen a straight question, even though 95% was sure that he spoke Russian.

Nikolay had an unusual appearance which invited scrutiny. He was a towering figure about two meters in height with high temples, short hair, a thick heavy beard and big ears sticking out perpendicularly. He was clad in crumpled dirty pants and soft-smeared with moccasins. A long loose shirt draped over a big belly. Anyone meeting Nikolay in Russia would probably mistake him for a Pope from Siberia who forgot to wear his cassock.

The lumbering man simultaneously blocked access to the coffee machine, sink and microwave. Leo, waiting to get started on his coffee, politely drew his attention "Excuse me."

The pope turned around slowly. The man initially looked at Leo with a heavy glare of a "taiga-cannibal yeti", but after 10 seconds suddenly smiled as a child.

- Do you speak Russian? Nikolay inquired.

- Are you also Russian speaking? - Leo asked, pretending to be surprised.

- Have you been working here for a long time? simply asked Nikolay, firmly holding Leos hand.

- Today is the first day.

- Where are you sitting?

- Over there, in that corner office.

- Oh, are you a manager?

- Well, yes, but very small.

- Hm, well, but if you have your own office, it's already serious. I'm seated over there, in the open space, with the other designers. So, if you will have a second, dont be shy, please come over. My name is Nikolay.

  - And Im Leo. When you are planning to free the microwave? I'd like to warm up my coffee.

- Yes-yes-yes I'm just warming up soup, then bread and porridge

  - Wow! I see you brought a lot. You seriously prepared.

- Well, dinner is a holy thing. - Grechko smiled shyly.

• Okay, come to my office. We could have lunch together!
• Realizing that the heating process was going to be prohibitively long, Leo resigned himself to being without coffee and returned to his office. Nikolay followed him there for about twenty minutes with five different boxes, all of which he neatly laid out around him. The large man paused for a moment before deciding his plan of attack.

- Probably, I'll start with soup.

- And all these five boxes for lunch? - Koifman was more than surprised.

  -Well, what's wrong? You should eat well, otherwise you will find an adventures on your ass, with a serious look, he continued, - and if you didnt eat on time, you wont shit on time, and youll soon find yourself with cancer of the rectum! Not funny!

Leo, who had only one meager lunchbox himself, observed his newfound acquaintance with morbid fascination. When the soup was finished, Grechko fetched his salad box and two small cans. One was olive oil; the other was balsamic vinegar. After pouring the contents of both cans into the salad, Nikolay slowly stirred all components together.

  - Could you mix the salad at home? - Koifman was surprised at the seemingly intentional inefficiency. If you stirred your salad at home, there would be no need to drag a bunch of jars down here.

 - Ha Well, it's not so delicious if I would prepare it at home. I always prefer fresh, - Grechko laughed in a paternal way. He was amazed that such elementary things should be explained to someone.

Having emptied his five lunchboxes, Nicholay collected them all in a cloth bag. He burped with pleasure but quickly resumed his midday feast. He was by no means done. -Do not go away. I brewed a tea there, about half an hour ago, its probably ready.

Grechko appeared a few minutes with a half-liter teapot and another box containing chocolate and nuts. Seeing this, Leo glanced at his watch. Nikolays lunch not counting the preparation time had already taken 40 minutes. Koifman, in fastidious contrast, ate his salad in seven minutes and was anxious to return to work.

Later in the day, Leo found Grechko talking animatedly to a young Indian designer. Grechko, it seemed, was either in the kitchen or with someone else, but never at work. What he did for this company was still a mystery.

-

The next day was a repeat of the first. Nikolay walked from one employees desk to another, asked how things were yesterday, talked about his problems, rambled about politics, complained about his health, gave someone to rewrite movies or mixed martial arts shows before embarking on his marathon lunch. In his defense, Nikolays visits to his co-workers were typically appreciated: everyone was happy to see him and to share their family problems with him.

When it came to workplace antics, Koifman thought he had seen it all. Having worked 5 years in the former USSR, 11 years in Israel and 14 years in Canada, he never saw that somebody seemingly worked so little. How did Nikolay get away with this? Grechko was neither the owner, nor the husband of the general manager, and nor any kind of manager himself. After two weeks, Koifman had enough. He needed to understand what was going on. To find out, he had to spy on his new friend.

After constant observation, Koifman slowly developed a portrait of his target: currently, Grechko was married and had a son and daughter who had grown up and moved away. He had three Dachshunds, which he loved dearly and discussed endlessly. His wife had not worked for the last five years but was surprisingly enjoying housework. Attempts to teach learn new skills like computer programming always ended in tears.

However, Grechkos current situation only explained a small part of his character. Leo learned quickly, however, that to understand Nikolay you had to start at the very beginning.

Nikolay was born in a small industrial town more than a thousand kilometers from Moscow. When he was born, his parents were about 20 years old and didnt have time to pray on the new family member, in comparison with a modern generation. They traveled elsewhere for high-paying work and left their child in the care of his grandparents whom lived downtown near a toy shop. Though Nikolays childhood was typical of the time, he considered himself the happiest child on earth.

About fifty years ago in the former Soviet Union, children and many adults sincerely believed in communism. The government had promised communism in 5-10 years and asked all citizens to tighten up belts and intensity their efforts in order to accelerate this future. Nikolays grandfather fondly spoke of life under the communism and young Grechko believed his grandfather knew what he was talking about. For a five-year-old child, it was understandably hard to appreciate the concepts of "supply according to need," "work according to ability", but easy to understand the idea of it will be no money!

Each person can take everything what he wants. Every morning Nikolay woke up with his grandfather at 6 a.m. and turned the radio on. The government had announced the beginning of communism early. He needed to get to the store across the street as soon as possible. He would be there at 6:05 a.m to get ahead of the other children, whom would not arrive until 7 a.m. Once there, often alone, Nikolay would take whatever toys he wanted. He figured out that he could continually make runs until everybody arrived, perhaps even going back and forth seven or eight times.

When Nikolays parents returned from another city with money, they bought a new condo far away from the city center. Nikolay didnt want to lose such a "strategic" place and categorically refused to move. All the arguments that the store opens at 9 a.m. and in case if communism will come, they still will be able to arrive before the toy shop opening, didnt work out. Relocation process was delayed. At some point, his father, whom just quietly observed at this advanced educational procedure, lost his patience and hit Grechko-junior with a heavy slap. Then he slowly dropped: ten minutes to tidy up, otherwise you never see your communism!

So Nikolay Grechko came to the edge of a small, god-forgotten town, on the edge of the empire, far from the central toy store and without any enthusiasm for the communism.

Entertainment or cultural activities in those years was virtually non-existent, even in Moscow. Things were worse in a small provincial city with a population less than 100 thousand people. There were a few simple things (soccer, basketball and bike-riding) but not much more was accessible. There were theaters or concerts several times a year, but you would have to be lucky to get the tickets. The adults were half-criminals and their children are no better. The whole ecology was ruthless: aggressive people, alcohol, street fights and other cardinal delights.

Now toyless, Grechko began to read to stay busy. He read practically everything in the library of his small town. At seventeen he had already read most of the classics, many books on history, thriller stories, and adventures. He was viewed as a local intellectual. Nikolay spoke smoothly, without swearing or hesitation. At the time, he had a lot going for him: he was tall, thin, with an intelligent look and not aggressive a nice fellow in a hostile world. He knew how to tell interesting stories. In the decades before the internet, he could entertain with his tales alone.

After high school, he went to university in Samara. The city was more than a million strong, with thousands of such smart and knowledgeable young men. Once, Nikolays class gathered in the student dormitory to celebrate some holiday. The boys were full of energy, cheer and creativity: some played the guitar, some sang, some read poetry, some discussed technical ideas, some just joked. And then there were the girls, who were all beautiful.

Grechko struggled to get attention from the women. He already walked by them a couple of times to show his height, and smiled to some of them, but nothing happened. He also tried telling them different kinds of stories. But once he started, one of the boys would invariably cut him off.

Nikolay, I read this story last year in the magazine "Youth".

Undaunted, he continued. Okay... then here another story, which happened during Queen Catherines Second era. The guys started to listen, but after a couple of minutes someone interrupted again.
Where did you read this? Something doesnt make sense here. The Queen's education reforms already started before slavery was ended. Why would the Queen fight against her own initiative?

Well, what can you do about it! It was very difficult to show off in the big city. This place was not his hometown. To make matters worse, the others guys were discussing doing a stand-up comedy performance for New Years, full of sketches and songs to flaunt their talents and enchant their audiences. Nikolay felt like a stranger. He returned to his room early and alone.

After university, he went back to his home town and got married. He had a son and then a daughter. Strangely, it was only after getting married that women began to pay him attention. Life again turned face to him. For a time, his prospects were rising.

But then the glorious nineties burst forth. Everything flew backwards. People lost a lot and Nikolay was no different. For a time he fought hard, establishing a shuttle business, trying to make some money. Then the default came. Money turned into paper. He realized he needed to start over.

 Grechko thought hard. He was worried his whole life would be a vicious cycle from default to default. He would never get out from the low social level, will grow old and nothing will see in his life. Already 34, he was stuck.

Grechko decided to take a risk and went to Moscow, drove to the Canadian Embassy, took forms to complete and returned back home. He translated everything in a hurry, filled everything and began studying English. A year later he was interviewed "in an enemy language", and in a further half-year sold everything and came to Canada.

2

  From the beginning, Canadian life didnt start very well for Nikolay. He didnt have a real profession, wasnt a businessman and had no connections. Canada was not like in Russia, where if you are a friend of the owner, you can easily get a good position and high salary. The Canadian mindset was different: If your salary is less than market price, you and the owner are best friends; if your salary is higher, its a problem.

Grechko went from one family business to another, but everywhere it was the same. The salary was slightly higher than a minimum wage enough to eat, but not enough for good life. By Russian standards, this was alright; by Canadian standards, this was disappointing. Eight years of Canadian life soon flew by. Beyond learning English, Mikolay hadnt progressed anywhere. It was absolutely clear that he had to do something urgently.

After some long hard thinking, Nikolay decided to go and study three-dimensional computer design in a nearby college for a year. The government, as part of a re-qualification program, would pay almost everything, in case if you will pass all the exams and receive a diploma. Grechko took his studies seriously, fully understanding that this could be his last chance. He bought a powerful computer and forged friendships with more advanced students, trying everything he could to get an edge. He even tried to make romantic relations with the teacher, hoping to get private lessons.

Luck did not keep him waiting. After graduating from college, Mr. Grechko was employed in a large engineering company as a draftsman in the mechanical department. He was paid exactly double salary, in comparison to his last job, even though he would have agreed to minimum wage. After half a year he bought a new car. The old car he generously gave to his wife and, embracing her with a hug, added: "We are not poor people whom commute on the buses". A year later, having saved up enough money for a down payment, he bought a house. The house was far away, pretty small, but it was theirs!

  Nikolay certainly understood what his department was doing, but not on a high level. He tried not to ask any questions, in order to avoid drawing attention. When more experienced colleagues argued with each other, to prove that some specific coefficient should be used in the calculations, Grechko pretended to be busy. And if someone insisted upon his opinion, Nikolay usually tried to laugh it off, throwing some meaningless but crowd-pleasing phrases like: "In Russia, this coefficient was always low. Now I realize why USSR broke apart." He didnt fight, pretend to be a leader or obsess over career growth. He just wanted a paycheck.

The project on which Grechko served was slowly unfolding. The mechanical department was not very busy because detailed design hasnt begun yet. If the boss needed something, he would assign the first designer he saw to it. Just like it was in the Soviet Army. Grechko, as an experienced soldier, immediately understood how the system worked and simply avoided being in his boss visual range. In the event he did get assigned a task, he got even craftier. If the task was a bit more complicated (i.e. not just an ordinary redrawing, but required at least some sort of qualification), Nikolay would ask many questions on all kinds of unimportant things, all the while nodding seriously at each answer. Having received all the necessary explanations, he sincerely thanked the person who gave him the assignment (usually the lead designer) and returned to his workplace. When in 2-3 hours he was asked to show some results, he looked faithfully into lead engineers eyes and, seriously replied: "Yes, yes, yes, of course, of course. Im working on it and I'll try to finish by the end of the day. "

Realistically, for an average designer, this scope of work takes no more than an hour. Despite this, nothing would be finished by the end of the day. Two days later, the task was still unfinished and Grechko continued to ask questions. It was then the "lead designer" lost his patience, exploding into a red-faced rant: he screamed that he would have done it by himself in a maximum of an hour, adding further that in more than 30 years as a designer, he had never seen a clown like that!

It was then Nikolai would artfully fold. He stood with a guilty look, looking frightened and repeating with a clumsy tongue: "Excuse me, I had all sorts of problems with the computer there... Sorry, I apologize". Screaming in such a respectable engineering firm was understandably not common. Everyone around stopped their own work and was now tuning in to the event. No one knew the prehistory of the conflict. To the inexperienced outsider, it looked ugly: a poor immigrant, harmless draftsman was being intimidated by a lead engineer. When the unpleasant scene was over, Grechko almost whimpered like a scared puppy. He briefly left to regain his composure.

After 20 minutes, he returned and sat down at his workplace, looking with sad eyes on the screen but not touching his keyboard. Humiliated in public, a 50-year-old man, grief-stricken and deeply experiencing his shame. Someone from colleagues cant stand and came to pity him, expressing sincere sympathy.

This was, of course, part of an act. And then came the second part of the beautifully rehearsed performance, which Grechko held tightly under control. With a dull look, listening to the advice not to take it all to heart, "humiliated and insulted" with frozen tears in his eyes, he would crumble further: "I do not know how I will live with all this... this I have never never been so humiliated in my life...".

The compassionate colleague then went to Nikolay's offender to have a "terrible" conversation. After five to ten minutes, the "lead designer", who already was not so hot in the eyes of the firm, and well understanding all the potential consequences, came to Grechko to make peace. After many apologies, the "offender" returned to his workplace and agreed to never again touch the "offended". The conflict between the two never went to the head of the department, and faded at the initial stage.

Everyone was initially happy with this result. Afterward, Grechko never received any skilled work, just drafting. When the dust settled, Koifman began to respect his new friend. Without connections, without any knowledge, without even good English... practically without anything, Grechko managed to stay in a serious firm, on a good salary, with the title of mechanical designer.

However, things would soon change when it was discovered that tthe mechanical department was lagging behind. Nearing the end of the schedule, it hadnt ordered more than half of what was due. The department, without any explanations, announced that a new boss and new lead engineer were coming. The Project Director hoped that these changes would accelerate the pace.

- I dont care about all their personnel reshuffles. I'm a small guy and not climbing for anything, -Grechko remarked, still trying to make sense of the sudden shake-up. The lunch was long over and he had not even touched the fourth box.

 - I wouldnt be so sure, - Leo raised his finger and shacked.

  - Oh, come on. What will they do to me?

  -They can remove you from the project...

  -So what? I will be transferred to another project. Not a big deal.

  -You will not just be transferred. If your boss complains, maybe they move you once. And if you complain on the second project? You believe they will move you again?

  -Come on. Why they cant send me to the next project again? It is seven-eight projects right now.

  -Hm-m This is Canada, but not USSR. They are nice, but everything has limits.

• What do you mean?
• They can fire you.

  -Leo, stop frightening me! I've been here almost three years and everyone has been happy most of the time. - Grechko looked at Koifman with uncertainty.

  -Right now, the situation isnt good. Its only going to get worse. When the real pressure begins, no one will be paying around with political correctness.

  -Well, and what do you suggest?

  -Start to pull your connections so you can move to another project.

  -What kind of connections do I have?

  -Well, you talk with people three quarters of your working time you must know them all well.

  -Well, they are not managers.

  -So? Sometimes a little person can help more than any big boss.

  -Okay, Leo. I'll go. You finally scared me.

  -Where are you going? On another project?

  -No. I'm going to work.

  -Wow... What's wrong with you? Have you forgot your traditional tea ceremony?

  -You know that, stop puffing me! I do not want to go anywhere! Im just fine here, - with these words, the exasperated Grechko left Koifmans office, lunch unfinished.

  The next morning, Leo went on a business trip for several days. After his return, they were a lot of urgent questions and problems. At lunch, Nikolay didnt show up. Initially, Koifman was delighted; the absence gave him time to focus on the accumulated questions. When Grechko did not appear the following day, Leo became concerned and set to finding him. The usual spots (the kitchen and co-workers desks) were surprisingly empty. Leo went to Nikolay's workplace, and was surprised to find that Grechko was sitting at the computer and actively drawing something.

  -Where did you disappear to? Not coming for lunch? - Koifman began cheerfully.

  -There is a new lead engineer, he asked me urgently to draw some stuff.

  -Urgently?! Why? Since when did it bother you?

  -Yes, he's a bastard, every half an hour comes by and checks on me. He almost checks the quantity of lines.

  -Well, has he shouted at you?

  -Unfortunately not He speaks politely and with respect. And he smiles all the time. This smile as a mask on his face. Anyway, I hope to finish it till the end of the day.

  -OK, not bothering you.

  - I'll come for lunch tomorrow.

  -No problems, just dont forget go to the washroom. As you told me, if you do not poo in time - cancer of the rectum! - Koifman smiled maliciously and returned to his room.

  Grechko appeared in Koifman's office only next day, looking tired. Perhaps yesterday was the day where he really, truly worked.

• I barely managed to escape, I didnt even have time to warm up my dinner, - he explained, setting down his legendary five boxes once again, - This guy drives me nuts. He will soon begin to follow me to the washroom with a stopwatch.

  -Why did he start with you? There are 15 other people.

  -How do I know? Maybe someone snitched. He always says that I work slowly.

  - So work faster.

  -Leo, really! I'm literally working like a dog! I'm afraid to go to the washroom. I already have arthritis on my fingers and my eyes are watering. I have to go to the doctor.

  -Well, if you work so hard, then why is he not happy? I know him pretty well. We worked together about five years ago. Absolutely adequate person.

  -Oh yeah! Adequate! We are changing everything 3-4 times!

  -Now at least I understand why everything in slow motion mode...

  -What's wrong with you?! Damn it! Are you on his side?! He asked me to draw, so I drew. He then hammered me with questions about the drawing. Why did you go on the left side? What, you didnt see that your duct blocks access to the service door. And why here chute went up? You cross straight through the passage. How will people walk?

  - And what, you didnt see where your chute is going?

  - I do not care who goes where! Draw me with a pencil, and then I'll bring all of it to the model. I cant get into his head. He is a lead engineer! I am just a regular designer.

  -Well, he cant get into your head either. He not supposed to tell you the basic things. It's like igniting a car before you start driving. There are things that you can explain up until a certain point five years of experience or so after that it starts to be annoying.

  -So what, are you on his side?! I'm working as a slave here. I am chained to my chair and cannot go anywhere..., even the washroom! I'm probably going to have heart attack soon, and you are still making it worse!

  -Me?! I have worked like that all my life...

  -Oh Leo, it is something disgusting in my soul, - Grechkos tone shifted as he realized he was not going to get any sympathy. He looked at his watch, - I will go... This condom probably came three-four times with a stopwatch...

  -So what? You still have five more minutes of an official dinner...

  -Okay... You know, I'm afraid ... We bought a new car, furniture, we have a mortgage By the way, we still didnt pay for the last vacation... If I get fired, then it will be difficult for us.

  - Well, push your wife go to work.

  -Yes, she is looking for job, but so far has found nothing good. I've been thinking - maybe I'll get sick for 3-4 weeks, and then maybe situation will dissolve... What do you think?

  -And how exactly will it be resolved?

  -This condom will get a new designer and when I return, I will be transferred to another lead engineer.

  -But another lead will start to run into you again. Now the mechanical department is not just behind the schedule. At each meeting the management is talking only about mechanical department. They finally realized that you guys fucked around for a year. You treat this place like a gentlemens club instead of a business.

  - Oh, come on. I'm not the only one. The entire department fooled around. And I'm just a little man... Tell me to draw here - I'll draw, tell me to move there sure, please. And it turns out that even though everybody scratched their balls, they only caught me.

  -Regardless, now the situation has changed completely. They have started to push everyone.

  -Oh, I have to run. I'm sorry, - Nikolay literally ran out of Leo's office, frightened, glancing at his watch.

3

  The next morning, Koifman again went on a business trip. Returning after the weekend, more busy than usual, he was glad that Nikolay was absent at lunch. After a second meal alone, Koifman decided to check on his friend. The mechanical department subsequently informed him that Grechko had broke his leg and was currently in the hospital. The fracture would keep him out for 6 weeks. Rummaging through his papers, Koifman found the phone number of his injured friend and immediately called.

  -Hello, - weak and distant, the voice on the other end was like a ghost.

 - Is it you, lazy slack? - started Leo's cheerfully.

 -Oh, hello! Grechkos voice immediately became regular, - I just saw that somebody was calling me from work... Didnt realize that it was you.

  -Okay, tell me, did you really break your leg? Or is this is part of your plan to be sick for a month?

  -What are you talking about?! I did not plan anything! Dont start! I went to the forest with my wife, collected firewood, was going back to the camping tent, the stones were slippery...

  -Clear. Slipped, woke up - plaster.

  -Well yes. Only this is an open fracture... Thank God the ambulance arrived on time, otherwise I would die.

  -Well, what do the doctors say? When are you back to work?

  -They said that if everything is good, then in 10 weeks it will be possible to return.

  - Your colleagues in mechanical department told me that you'll be back in six weeks?

  -Well, I did it on purpose. Otherwise they can remove me from the project. If they hear that on temporary disability for three months, they will immediately take someone else.

  - But someone needs to work and meet the schedule. No one will wait for you for three months.

  - That's exactly what I'm talking about. I'll call in six weeks and say that doctor took an X-ray and demanded another two weeks. In two weeks, I will call again. And this way I could sit quietly on my temporary disability for 3 months. The insurance covers 75% of the average earnings, which is not so bad. Honestly, I need some time for rest. I'm so tired of all this.

  -You were under pressure for less than two weeks. I thought you were rested enough after three years. Did you expect this beautiful life to be forever?

  -Why do you tease me all the time?! I told you everything as a friend, honestly, didnt hide anything, and instead of compassion you...

  -Sorry, I'm silent. What leg did you break? I hope this is not the right leg?

  -No. Luckily. I broke the left one. I mean, I can drive a car.

  -So what's the problem? After six weeks, go to work. No one will the poor semi-disabled man.

  -Why do I need this? I have already calculated everything: taking into account price of gasoline, amortization of the car, time in transit, etc., I will earn almost the same money in the end.

  -OK, I got it. You want not to work for 3 months, but stay on the project.

  -Yes. Eventually you got it.

  - Hm-mm. It's certainly not my business, but all of it somehow stinks. You certainly can play this card once, but the second time they will crack down and you will be thrown out. I would do it.

  -But I'll say - it's a doctor. I wanted to return, but doctor will not allow me.

  -Brilliantly, as in the fifth grade. Only I wouldnt play this game. Maybe one time you can do it, but no more. People are not stupid.

  Six weeks flew by fast. From time to time, Grechko asked Koifman and tell his Mechanical Department co-workers how hard he is living with a broken leg, how he takes morphine, how he does not sleep at night and how he always thinks of his colleagues. In parallel, he phoned his colleagues directly and told the same stories, but with included much more details. At the same time, Grechko would report scolding the "stubborn doctors who did not allow him to return to work.

The day before the end of the glorious six weeks, Nikolay, as was planned, called to the head of the mechanical department and said that he needs two more weeks. The boss, who by that time barely coped with the accumulated volume of work and had already planned something for the missing designer, squeezed his teeth and told him it would be OK. The hang-up after, however, made clear his disappointment.

  Two weeks later the situation repeated, with the only one difference - the head of the department asked Grechko to send him an official e-mail, which he joyfully did.

  At the end of the same day, Nikolays boss came to Koifmans office flustered. Without even saying "hello", he exasperatedly asked:

  -Your friend, is he a smart-ass man with protection or just an idiot?

  -What happened? I hope he didnt solicit you or ask for a date? - Leo, who knew the Mechanical Department Manager for many years from his previous job, tried to laugh it off.

  -Leo, listen, I'm serious. The man is over fifty but behaves like a kid. What kind of game is he playing here?! He thinks that I do not understand that he wants to stay on temporary disability as long as possible? Does he really think hes fooling anyone?

  -What can I say? I tried to warn him... And he just downplays it all, before telling me how bad everything is. Oh, I feel so bad, oh I'm taking morphine, oh, doctors do not allow me...

  - You understand: he is a really weak designer and doesnt even want to work. Anyway, if I understand correctly, your friend wants to sit at home for 3 months while staying on the project.

  -How do I know? I told him my humble opinion three times already, but he still cries how he feels bad.

  -OK, dont be offended, but I will take your friend off the project. Management will transfer him to another project. Im not interested in this guy at all.

  Koiftman decided not to tell anything to the "sick on his leg" man. Maybe management will not be able to find a replacement, maybe another big project will start, or maybe the boss will change his mind... or maybe another miracle will happen.

  Grechko continued to call every two weeks and sing the same song. Every time, the boss was very kind to him and wished him a speedy recovery. However, in the mechanical department a new designer already started to work.

  Pain and morphine intake ended for Nikolay exactly the day before the end of temporary disability, i.e. in three months sharp.

  Grechko appeared at work with a wand and a mournful expression on his face. After first putting five boxes in the fridge and turning on the computer, he began a leisurely round of all colleagues, recounting his epic tale from start to finish: how he slipped on the slippery stones, heard that crunch that still rings in his ears, was transported by ambulance, was sure that he would not survive and how he recalled the children and the colleagues. Everybody was supportive.

  Having finished in his department, Grechko smoothly continued to visit other departments. At last, somewhere before lunch, he came to visit Koifman.

  -Oh! Look at you... Almost like Jesus down from the sky. I thought you would not appear at all... You look good, lost weight...

  -Ha, lost weight. I gained 7 kilos.

  -It was a joke. I saw that you added to your superfluous 30 kg, another 10 kg. If I were in your place, I would begin to lose weight, because all this extra weight falls on your injured leg.

  -Yes, you are right, but I'm not limping badly. Tomorrow probably I will be without a stick.

  -Well, have you already been given a job? - The owner of the office asked cautiously.

  -Not yet. The head of the department is not in place, so I've talked to the people so far.

  -There, at mechanical department, one more man was taken, - again from a far began Leo.

  -Yes, I saw. Pleasant guy. By the way, he broke his leg three years ago. Do you know what happened?

At this time the telephone rang and Nikolay, waving goodbye, left the room. However, in ten minutes he returned without a stick and without a smile of happiness on his face.

  -Listen, Leo, I turned on the computer, but I have no access to the project's folders or drawings. What am I supposed to do? - he asked nervously without preamble.

  - Check your internal mail, maybe some notification has been sent to you.

  -Precisely, I completely forgot, - Grechko quickly went back.

 Nikolay appeared at the end of the day and fell wearily into the chair across Koifman.

  -You will not believe this: I have not been on this project for over a month.

  -What do you mean? - Leo pretended to be surprised.

  -I mean exactly what I said, damn it! And no one even told me a word! And this boss, shit! After he threw me out of the project, I talked with him at least three times. What, it was so difficult to inform me?!

  -But how did you figure it out?

  -He sent the message to the entire mechanical department that another man starts instead of me.

  -Ah, did the one break his leg too? Kind of good guy.

  -Yes, him.

  - By the way, you started telling me that something funny happened to him...

  - I dont care what happened to him!

  -Well, you have friends... And you shared the literature with them, discussed family problems, - Koifman put on a sympathetic grimace.

  -I can understand everything, but without hesitation lie in your eyes! And this son of a bitch, with his gentle talk: Nick, do not worry, feel well take your time". And he already threw me out!

 -Yes, you are right. Lying to people is not fair, - Leo smiled wickedly, hoping the irony was clear. - You are honest with people, open your heart, and they are just waiting to return you a dirty trick. I told you not to play your two weeks game.

  -What?! Was I deceiving someone?! You know that I felt bad!! Have you ever taken morphine?! The pain is so unbearable that at night you ready to climb on the walls. And he immediately threw me out, like a used napkin.

  -Yeah... Not funny And now what? What are your plans?

  -I really didnt understand. I went to the HR department. And there is a young girl, who is younger than my daughter, and so tenderly asks me: Nikolay, why you didnt come to us in the morning?

  -What did you answer?

  -Well, I tell her that it was necessary to urgently help my colleagues, then I wanted to talk to my boss, maybe he'll change his mind... Whatever, I blew some fog on her.

-And you definitely told her the truth.

-You know what Stop your jokes! Not funny at all!

  -Sorry. But something I didnt understand. Will you be transferred to a new project or not?

  -God knows. They said that one guy from the marketing department needs a designer for a week or two. And then looks like a big project begins in Brazil pretty soon. They still didnt finish some financial details. And if it starts, then I'm sort of safe...

  -And if it doesnt start?

  -Exactly! Well, what I can tell I dont know. I dont know! I have some disgusting feelings on my heart, and feel awful... Okay, I'll go. I'm really tired from all these terrible developments...

4

  Grechko was relocated to a new place and project. This project was small, not even really being a project at all, more of a conceptual design for a potential future project. The new manager sketched sketches, and Grechko was to simply draw them into three-dimensional models. He really liked the new job, in spite of its quick pace. But more importantly - he did simple work, had no responsibility and nobody challenged his qualifications.

The new boss also approached him every 2-3 hours, though without any claims. Joint lunches in Koifmans office became much shorter and lasted no more than half an hour. Nikolay, as usual, complained of health, fatigue, weather, children, wife, neighbors and his excess weight. However, he seemed to have no interest in diet or exercise. Leo still teased him, but Grechko didnt take any offense. Deep in his heart Grechko knew that Koifman had been right all along.

If Koifman had time, he explained to Nikolay the basic things, otherwise it was almost impossible for his friend to draw any equipment. Grechko just wanted to join the Brazilian project. There were rumors that if the project took off, about a third of the designers would need to move to Brazil for 2-3 years. And it would have been a turnaround: three weeks in Brazil and a week at home. The company paid all expenses, except food. There was a 2 thousand dollar monthly allowance for food which you could spend any way you wanted. If you wanted to eat three times a day in a restaurant go ahead! And if you wanted to cook for yourself, you could simply keep the money. Almost all prepared food by themselves and saved about fourteen-fifteen hundred a month. Most importantly, the money was not taxable. You could simply put into your pocket. It was a sweet dream and Nikolay wanted to be a part of it. In preparation, Nikolay managed to make friends with people who already worked in Brazil and with native Brazilians, who (like him) were former immigrants.

 -I already dream of Brazil at nights, - Grechko dreamily rolled his eyes and broke into a smile. - I talked with different people and was told that the girls are very cheap there... And all are sexy, swarthy, with a solid big butt, with smooth skin, without cellulite... Just for 10 dollars, you can have sex with a beautiful hot mulatto... And for 15 bucks you can find the beauty queen.

  -Are you hungry?! I see saliva dripping from your mouth. Dont get too excited, otherwise we will need a clean-up in my office...

 -And the people are hot there, - Grechko continued, ignoring Leo's comment, - for them sex is a natural process, as natural as breakfast in the morning. A bottle of good wine costs a maximum of five bucks. The sun, the sea, exotic fruits... Oh, I just pray for this opportunity.

  -How will you pay for the girls? You spouse checks your bank account every day.

  -I already thought of everything. She doesnt know how much everything cost there. Ill tell her everything is more expensive than it is. To save money, Ill go to a farmers market. In the market, you have to pay in cash. I will take a thousand bucks a month for food, but only need $400 of it. I can easily save $600 a month for girls. I'll have a hotel from company.

  - Nikolay, what is wrong with you? You steal $600 from the family budget for what? 60 romantic contacts a month, based on your rates? That means, total two times a day. Do you have enough health for this kind of activity?

  -Well, $10 probably will be not enough. You still need to buy wine, fruit, condoms... so it easy could come to 20$. Overall once a day.

  - Oh boy! So you really have already thought of everything.

  -Well, whats wrong with that? You always have to keep different options in your head.

  -You'd better think about what you're drawing... - Koifman chuckled sarcastically.

  -One dude, Spanish-speaking, said: If we go there, then dont worry. I'll tell you where to go, what to say and explain how it works...

  -My dear friend, hard to believe that you will spend $400 a month for food. You eat five boxes of food at lunch alone... With your appetite it will cost you minimum $800. And it is hard to believe that this sexual event will costs less than $20. Today this type of service will cost you more, even in Ukraine. Maybe somewhere in a remote village, in a dirty barn or cowshed, it might be cheaper. If you want my humble opinion - you will have enough money maximum for three romantic meetings a month.

  -What kind of person are you?! Do I have a right even to dream?!

  - Your dreams, like a high school student during puberty...

  -You know what! Go to hell. You always spoil my mood, - Grechko waved his hand and left the office.

  A week later, Grechko came to Koifmans office with a smile of happiness on a bearded face. His perpendicular to the head ears, were glowing.

  - Were you transferred to the Brazilian project?

  -Yes! I received a notification that in two weeks I'm starting. I'll be sitting in another building. Are you going to miss me? Or maybe you will ask management to join this project?

  -My sexual life is not so problematic. I mean, why I would travel to Brazil?

  -No one will go to Brazil on the first day. It could take half year or more until people are relocated.

  -Whatever. And what about you? Are you going to learn Portuguese, have a diet in order train your body to spend at least $500 a month... By the way, I heard people in Brazil dont know English. How you'll negotiate with the girls?

  -I have already downloaded an audio guide for people who want to learn Portuguese! I'll start tomorrow when I drive to work and back. You know, it's very convenient. Instead of listening to empty news, I'll learn one more language.

-I'm happy for you. It's very nice when an individual has a goal in life...

- Listen, Leo, I've talked to another designer, Francisco. He also will join this project, because he is Spanish-speaking. He told me that he had already traveled to Brazil twice and every time came back with a new wife. Wow, like in the soap opera. Well done!

  - Is he a Muslim?

  -Of course not. He divorced his previous wife and made sponsorship for the new one. A man around our age, about 50. He divorced four times, now he is married for the fifth time. From each wife, he has a child. Well done!

  -What exactly in his life did you find exciting? He pays alimony to all children and probably spousal support. All these families in Canada. Not sure how he handles his finances.

  -Of course, he pays alimony. But the last wife is 25 years younger. He showed me the photo she is a sex bomb! - Grechko rolled his eyes dreamily and fell silent, thinking about his lost opportunities. After that he had a deep sigh and slowly began to collect the lunch boxes. A wandering smile froze on his bearded face and his protruding ears blushed.

- You know what, hmm... Do not worry. I mean, in half a year maybe you will find a young woman, - Koifman felt sorry for this big fat man, hopelessly drunk on the Shakespearian passions in the head.

  -Life hasnt been interesting. Everything is monotonous, gray, sluggish... Sex is not emotional anymore... Every day it is the same thing. If I didnt have my dogs, I probably would have been depressed for a long time. We've been thinking about changing the old car, but the wife does not want to buy a new one because there is no money... Second-hand isnt much any better, after a few adventures on your ass it eventually will be even more expensive. And I explained already hundreds of times - there will never be any more money. Shell push back - let's pay the debts first. Well, but now Im finally transferring to another project, so maybe I'll convince her. And because I was hanging in the air until recently, she didnt even want to discuss anything...

  - Well, your wife is telling you whats right. I also want a lot, like everybody, but we are adults! And I do not believe your new polygamous friends stories. If he did not learn how to fasten his pants at the age of 50, he obviously has something wrong with his head. The new wife just saw his Canadian passport, and when she will get all immigration documents, she will send him to the hell. Everything he earns goes on the alimony. And the emotional sex he had with her before the sponsorship. Do you really believe that it is so cool for a 25-year-old beauty queen have sex with 50-year-old fat man?!

  -What am I? I just told you what he told me.

  - You have not seen yourself from the side.

  -If I dont change my wife, then at least I'll buy a new car. - Nikolay again sighed and slowly sunk away from the office.

  -To buy a car you are supposed to be a smart. You better would have lost weight. Then maybe emotional sex will wake up, - loudly told Koifman, but Grechko did not hear him anymore.

5

 Two weeks passed very quickly. During lunch, friends discussed the brands of cars, gasoline consumption, reliability, safety and other characteristics, which in such cases are discussed by men.

-Thats it. We bought the car yesterday, - Grechko smiled happily, - even my wife agreed. Car as a pink dream! Subaru with four wheel drive. Super car. And then we got so lucky... They sold a one-year-old car, on which their chief accountant drove. We got discounted 25%. And for Japanese cars, one year is nothing! We gave the deposit yesterday, with the remaining payment was broken up into 48 payments. After a week we can take it. They only have to install winter tires for a slippery season. You know what kind of roads we have during the winter. I never felt safety. And now, the four wheel drive - another thing!

   The new project was in an adjacent building. After Grechko left, Leo sometimes visited him. Several people have already moved to Brazil to resolve organizational issues. It was necessary to rent a hotel with good security, as well as to find a new working space in which all of the engineering team from Canada could be settled. Grechko begun preparing his wife for the potential relocation.

  - What I didnt see there, in this Brazil? - Nikolay told her as indifferently as possible, coyly suggesting he was not interested at all, - but if they push me, we have no choice... Now this is the only project, which company has besides, from which I was removed because of a broken leg. You know how much debt we have. And you are not really interested in working, so I'll have to suffer far from home... M-yes. Well, okay, Im not complaining, but if they tell me to go there, I'll go.

  Thunder soon struck loud and hard. Via internal mail, everybody received notice that the Brazilian project was being closed. The company changed the owner and the new management, after reviewing the budget, decided the project would be canceled. The engineering company has to archive all drawings and documents in 3 days. All employees working on the project will be called to the central office for further transfer to other projects. Since there were no other projects, everyone was very nervous. Everyone tried to pull any connection internally, began to look for work outside the company. But most people realized that pretty soon they were headed for the street.

Grechko stop-by in Koifman office the next day with an expression of world sorrow on his face.

  -Well, did they call you to HR?

  -Called already... Just returned.

  -So how is it?

  -Nothing. They have no job. They asked to take vacation days and use all overtime hours, which I accumulated till now.

  -And what's next?

  -I dont know. I have four weeks of vacation and two weeks of time off which I must use before contacting HR again. They said that if something pops up, they will contact me right away.

  -Well, and after 6 weeks what?

  -I was told that if nothing pops up in 6 weeks, then they will sent me for the temporary unemployment for two months. If there is still nothing at that point - welcome to the street.

  -Oh poor Nikolay, who will caress your mulattoes? And to whom do you give your unspent tenderness?

  - I will give it to my dogs. And local machos and cavaliers will figure out the rest.

• And what about emotional sex? So you'll stay again on a starvation ration?

  - Yes, now that Brazil is out... Well, what can I say? No emotional sex is certainly bad, but not the end of the end of the world. But I cant live on my previous salary... With all our debts

  -Well, you know... do not bury yourself alive. Start looking around, 6 weeks probably will be enough to find something. I wouldnt wait for the next project.

  -Yeah, you are right. By the way, Francisco promised that maybe he will help me with Panama project. This job in another company. If they will call me, I will quit. In any case, Panama even better than Brazil. No crime, good climate

  -Well, but girls are more expensive.

  -You are right. But, it is in the tourist zone. Of cause it will be more expensive. And Francisco already worked in this place about ten years ago and knows all the hot places. There, literally 30-40 kilometers from the big city, and prices for the girls were lower in three-four times, - Grechko smiled with a carnivorous smile.

  -OK. I understand you. But why does Francisco need these girls? His last wife is much younger. If he wants to run after prostitutes, why get married? Moreover, he already had four children from the previous four wives.

  -Maybe he liked her very much, got overexcited, didnt use his brain... People like us cant understand these Spaniards. They live in soap operas... Or love till diarrhea, jealous till heart attack, or killing each other. Nothing in between. The people are too hot ... Today I fell in love and ready to sacrifice my live for her, and tomorrow I want another girl with a bigger butt. Okay, I'll go. I was paid for today already, so keep in the loop.

  - Okay, be in touch.

  Leo called Nikolay about twice a week. Company still had no work. Grechko was slowly searching, with hope that at least something will come to his firm. He told Koifman different stories; how recruiters invited him for a thousand kilometers from home, how they tried to convince him to be a general laborer and so on. They exchanged news about the family, discussed the events in their former homeland, advised each other what movie to watch and what book to read. Six weeks flew by unnoticed and Nikolay received from the office an official package of documents, wherein he was notified that he was temporarily laid off. One week changed on another week, and the new work didnt appear. Finally Grechko was permanently laid off and went to receive unemployment. Nikolay obviously was sad and began nervous. And despite the fact that sometimes recruiters called him, he never got an interview.

  Once he called Koifman and without an introduction asked:

  -Listen, Leo, somebody advised me to file lawsuit against our firm.

  -For what? Unless it's a secret.

  - They, you know, they were very disgraceful to me.

  -In what sense? Because they fired you?

  -Yes.

  -And what? Disgraceful, this is not a reason to sue the company. Did they break the law?

  - I dont know. Maybe. But let the lawyer to figure it out.

  -Are you going to pay him?

-I know they work on commission. I have nothing to lose. If I get it fine. If not then not.

  - It's not even a matter of compensation, which you are still not going to get. Firstly, after you file a suit with the firm, you will not return there anymore. Secondly, you wont be able to work anywhere else because your reputation will be ruined. Anyone thinking of hiring will call here and HR will discover you are the person suing everyone.

  -And why you are saying everyone?

  -Who will go to investigate?

  - Just swallow all this shit and forget. Forget that they wiped off their feet on you!

  -What are you talking about? What feet, what court!? With whom you talked? Who heat you up?! The company has no jobs. Almost 400 people were laid off. And your new adviser, has he tried to sue the company before?

  - I do not know... I didnt ask. Why are you boiling? I just called for consultation.

  -I understand that you lost an opportunity for girls, but the firm has nothing to do with it. OK, bye. I still have a lot of work to do.

  They two continued to speak together once a week. Koifman tried to support his unlucky friend as he could. He sent his resume to several acquaintances, made several recommendations and so on. However, there was no progress.

  Once, Grechko called Koifman and almost shouted:

  -Leo, you will not believe this - I just went in for an interview for the Panama project!

  -Wow! Congratulations. How did you get there?

  -How, how? Francisco helped, as promised. In spite of your criticism, I did not lose contact with him. I called him two or three times a month.

  -Wow! What a great news! When do you start?

  - From next Monday. I have already signed everything. Francisco vouched for me.

  -Well done, well done. And when are you going to Panama?

  -They told me after two or three months. They have a different drafting program. It will be necessary to receive the training, to get familiar with the project, and some other little things. But they have a different arrangement for a business trips. I mean, different schedule, not as we had. They have six weeks in Panama and two weeks at home. Well, two weeks is not bad - like a mini-vacation.

  - Six weeks without a wife, of course, is a bit tough. But from on the other side, maybe youll find girls there.

  - Okay, you always have to pin me up. How all what we discussed connected to the girls? Why do you think that Im so sexually anxious?

• I meant who will wash your laundry during those six weeks?

  -Oh, I see. You like a snake, always will find the way out. Hey, Leo, maybe you want to join to this project?

  -Me?! Why?

  -Well, it's more fun together. And it's warm in Panama, same as in your Israel. In Canada, there will be 3 foot deep snow, and there you have sun and sea...

  - And the girls in the bikini.

  -Yes, girls. And what's wrong with that?! Im not talking about boys. Ha-ha-ha.

  -Thank you, Nikolay. Glad that you do not forget about your friends, but I feel better at home.

 Two months later Grechko flew to Panama, promising Koifman hed stay in touch.

6

  A message from Nikolay came already on the second day.

  "Leo - greetings! Flew well, we have here +26C in the shade. The sun, palm trees, fruit etc. We are located approximately 40 km from the sea. I've already looked at the map. I'll go for a swim on the weekend. The people are calling to Toronto ten times a day. I will call when I understand how it works." Attached to the message was a photo with an exotic flowerbed on the background of a mountain, covered with green weeds. Koifman smirked as he wrote his response: "Why did you send me a flowerbed? Did you get pictures of girls and price list? "

  Next day Grechko actually called. His voice, saturated in Panama sun rays, sounded fresh and cheerful.

  - Hey, Leo, is it you? Ha-ha-ha. Do you recognize old friends, or your ears have frozen there? Ha-ha-ha. You probably have -15C there?

  -Nick?! - Koifman was sincerely delighted to hear his voice, - well, I didnt expect this. Yes, we only have minus 14C, so not so bad. And how are you there? Do not sweat?

  -Here, the weather is just super! It was +23C in the morning - very comfortable. The plant is located not far from the sea. Around 40 kilometers. The roads, however, are smashed into the smoke, and mostly no asphalt, just compacted clay. Well, I mean, if it is rain you can use just horses. But if its raining, why go to the sea? Its about 40 km to the Panama Canal. To Costa Rica about 280-300 km, so in some weekend I will drive there and stay overnight.

  -OK, and how you settled there?

  -Close to the plant they have a mini village. They placed about hundred mobile houses here, like trailers. In each house holds up to three people. As you enter, right in the center of the house, a common kitchen, a shower, a toilet and a washer / dryer. And there are three separate rooms. Everyone in the room has a bed, desk, internet, TV and a large walking closet.

  -So you do not live in the city?

  -Yes. When it rains, how you will get to work? To the nearest small town somewhere 20-25 km. Sounds like its close, but the roads simply awful. And about eight years ago they decided to build such a mini-town.

  -Wait, I didnt understand. Do you have a car?

  -Car? From where? Why?

  -And how are you going to go to the sea? Not to mention Costa Rica.

  -Well, I dont know. Probably it is possible to rent somehow..., - Nikolay answered uncertainly.

  -So where are you going to take a car? You just said that to the nearest village 20-25 km and during the rain, almost impossible to drive. Its not like the mini village has a car rental service.

  -Well... H-mm, yes... Leo, what kind of asshole you are!

  -In terms of?

  -I called you in a good mood, and in 5 minutes the mood was spoiled. And everything was, damn was so good!

  -So, how I spoiled it?

  -Whatever! Okay, I'll call you again tomorrow.

  After hanging up, Koifman shrugged and looked out the window. It was snowing in Toronto for the second consecutive day. From the window he saw his car, which stood under a twenty-centimeter snow "blanket" and thought sadly: "After work I need again to clean the car, then two hours be in traffic, in order to get home, and after that to remove the snow from the driveway Hmm... Oh, maybe it would be better go to Panama! "

  The next day, Grechko didnt call and Leo sent him a short e-mail: "Where did you disappear? I'm worried!"

  Grechko called back at the end of the next day. His voice was again alert and confident.

  -Leo, sorry, could not call in the morning. I figured out what's wrong with the car.

  -I thought you were working, - Koifman joked roughly.

  - You are a joker, seor.

  -Sorry, didnt want to offend. So what about the car?

  -Then it turns out that in the morning and in the evening a bus arrives to the plant. This bus takes you to the village. About an hour drive.

  -Wow! 25 km they are driving for an hour?!

  -Well, there are dangerous roads, along the mountains, winding. In general, this is what they told me. Maybe 55 minutes. In short, in the village there is another bus, which travels about 15 km to the larger city. And there, in this town, they have cars for rent.

  - So you'll rent the car for six weeks?

  -Probably. Without a car you got nowhere. How am I going to get to the sea?

  -Well, and to the girls, too. 25 km to the nearest village it is not fun.

  - Well, yes, well... Not fun, and far. Who knew that plant will be so far from civilization?

  - Did you think that a metallurgical plant will be built in the center of the city, and around fashion boutiques and fine food restaurants with girls?

  -Well, not in the center of course... But at least you know, kind of within the city boarders. Same as we have in my city in Russia.

  -This is why girls in your city do not have very smooth skin.

  -You are right. No, not smooth skin at all... No question about it. Ecology was below water line.

  -So, will you go with your new friend? I mean, with Francisco?

-Well, no...

  -What?! I dont understand. How you will communicate without the Spanish? Nikolay, what wrongs with you? Imagine you are local auto dealer and sitting in some small Russian village "Little Diarrhea". You are just half year out of prison and you are reading newspaper in the dating for adults section. In your village there are a dozen unmarried women, each of which youve already met five to seven times. Suddenly some bearded dude comes in and mumbles something to him in English. He doesnt even understand Spanish if an intelligent person will talks to him.

  -Well... I'll figure it out.

  -Something smells here. I thought that you would take one car for both... Ride to the sea, for girls...

  -I thought the same way, but he doesnt want to live with me in the same house.

  -Wow... Looks like he afraid that if you dont find the girls, then you'll start harass him.

  -Ha. It's funny. H-m-mm...

  -Well, come on, open up! What happened?

  -He settled with his Spanish-speaking guys in the same house. They planned it before departure, bitches. I mean, they agreed to live together. And they will take one car for three. Bitches!

  -Make sense. When they find girls they not supposed to translate...

  -I understand!

  -By the way, Nikolay, you know what? Take Francisco to court.

  -For what?

  - For his disgusting behavior. Like you wanted to take to the court the previous employer. Ha-ha-ha.

  -You know, that is not a bad idea.

  -Are you serious? Or are you fooling? I'm joking.

  -No, you didnt understand. I'll sue you for constant harassment.

  -Sorry, Nikolay. I'm sorry. Sometimes I lose my breaks.

  -Last time you lose your breaks very often. But I'm already used to... In short, what should I do?

  -Well, first of all I would talk with the men with whom you settled in the same trailer. You can paint it colorfully as you go for a drive on the sea, go for beer and girls to the village. Everyone still has a weak points, it is only necessary to find them. Your weak points: food and girls, and somebody loves sea and historical sights, some likes alcohol and marijuana, another gambling... By the way, I have a couple of friends who is crazy about sport, and they are much more interesting in tennis court than all of the above.

  -Lets say I found their weak points, and then what?

  -And then bring them all to the common ground. I mean - if today they went with you to the girls, then tomorrow you will drink with them, and the day after you will play soccer. I understand that this is not exactly your style. You're used to only benefit yourself. But sometimes in life you have to compromise.

  -Okay thank you. The idea is certainly interesting. I will check their weak points.

  -Just do not mix it up with the erogenous ones, - sneered Koifman.

7

 During the weekend, there was snowfall in Toronto. Not much, but enough to slow traffic. The drive from shop to home for Koifman took extra half an hour. Returning after shopping, Leo noted with irritation that the plow truck had created a mound of snow that blocked his driveway. Hed have to clean it up. Sweaty and tired, Leo finally arrived home. Taking his boots off with hands partially frozen, he noticed his finger was badly scratched.

  -Shit! - Koifman shouted with disappointment. Blood started to drop on the floor.

  - Do you want plaster? wife asked him with compassion.

  - No, I want to go to Panama, - he answered wearily.

Grechko called on Tuesday morning.

  - What about the car? - began Leo without an introduction.

  - With the car... With the car - deep ass! same short way answered Nikolay.

  - Come on, talk to me!

  -What to tell?! I talked to these men. First man is a real alcoholic. This is the reason why he agreed go to Panama just to drink without any control. His wife would not allow him even glass of wine. We are fed three times a day for free, but alcohol is officially banned on the territory of the camp. Although almost everyone drinks. Somehow they found a way to buy beer, wine and tequila from a neighboring village. Another man is a new immigrant from Romania. He even doesnt have citizenship yet. He grew in some Romanian small town and never even visited Bucharest. Hes interested in all sorts of parks, mountains... Kind of a tourist But he isnt interested in spending any money on the car. I certainly understand him. I was in his shoes fifteen years ago. And he is afraid that if something happens, he will be deported back to Romania. He is even not a chicken, he is a real coward.

  -Be more careful with Romanians. He can easily steal something.

  -No worries, he looks like a normal guy, just afraid of his own shadow. So, now the story. We took the bus on Saturday morning and hit the road. The road is absolutely awful - winding, broken, dusty But in an hour we finally got there. We walked around about twenty minutes in order to explore this village and found the place where you can rent cars. The dealership is almost a museum. I mean, everything is old and nobody is there. There is an old "Chevrolet" since the last century and two barely alive "Fords".

The owner, local Indian guy, maybe four feet tall if you will measure him with a hat and on skates. He knows English almost as well as I know mechanical design. Well, we began to explain to him with gestures what we want. We explained, he nodded, seems like understood. In general, he says, for the month it will cost us 600 bucks. We're were just speechless! I told him right away - you have Canadian prices! Only in Canada cars are the new, and you have piece of junk. Are you think that we are suckers? You think because we dont know Spanish, you can rip us off! But he stands there, smiles and shrugs his shoulders. Do not like it, he says, go to a neighboring city. Only there the prices are the same. As soon as he found out the price, the Romanian immediately crawled into the bushes. Started to cry how it is difficult in Canada, how he doesnt have a car, how his children are hungry at home, how he is a new immigrant oh, how hard! Oh Im so poor!

  -Well, what about the alcoholic? Did he also hide in the bushes?

  -Something like that. He said that he found somebody who will bring him alcohol from the adjacent village for ten bucks a week. By the way, he bought four bottles of some suspicion tequila for nine bucks a bottle after arriving to Panama. I mean, close to airport. It looks like Russian moonshine. I checked the wine here, you know, the prices are the same as in Toronto. In general, I bought two boxes of their "Corona" to taste it. And you know, surprise-surprise - beer is not bad. I relaxed yesterday so pleasantly... I drank two boxes at once. But you know, with such pleasure...

  -Hey! I hope you know when to stop? Especially since your new room partner cant help you.

  -Well, yes... What are you saying? I didnt hear. Something with connection.

  - I having sad, dont drink too much alcoholic there. Your goal is higher.

  -Yes, higher Honestly, it's not like I saw I imagined originally...

  - And what about your friend Francisco?

  - I dont want to talk about this condom! He became so important and started to act like talking to me was a favor. I asked him openly: Where are all these girls that you told me about?

  -And what he is saying?

  -Never mind. He kind of got offended! Answer me through the teeth: ten years ago everything was different here. Trust me, I was surprised by myself.

  -He is a douchebag! I told you that all these Spanish men pathological crooks. I told you from the beginning that he is a baboon! And you argued with me... Why should he cheat? Because!

  -Yes, he told me...

  - By the way, I think that he married five times because otherwise nobody agreed to have sex with him.

  -Maybe... In general, you cant save money, cant travel around and... I mean, nothing exciting. Food is just nasty. My stomach hurts.

  -You would eat less there. You probably eat twice as much as usual.

  -Why twice? Maybe a little bit... Anyway, nothing to do here The first week maybe I ate too much, because it was unusual food. And now I mostly eat fruits. Just to shit properly.

  -Whats going on at work? It is already the third week has gone. Have you done something?

  -Yeah... Do some small stuff here and there. But you know, I have absolutely no mood. Francisco sent me to a kiln area for measurements. And near the smelting furnace, the heat is wild. I sweated in three minutes! A real sauna.

  - Poor little Nikolay! You got sweat. I hope it was no wind draft there?

  -What's so funny?! Yesterday I didnt get sick, but tomorrow or after tomorrow I will. And the lungs inflammation not have been canceled yet. And you know, I have antibiotic allergy. If something happened, I cant reach Canada.

8

  Next time Nikolay phoned in about a week.

  -Well, Mr. Grechko, tell me. How is it going in Panama?

  -What you want me to tell? I'll probably wait another two weeks, go back home, and then I'll quit. I'll start to look for a normal job in Toronto. Im so tired.

  -Oh boy... Have you already gave up in a four weeks?!

  -Yes somehow everything is sour and bitter here. I hate this glowing sun! I'm probably allergic to this sun. Something happened to my body its began to itch.

  -May be its itchy because of women absence?

  -Hm-m, I guess. Hmmm... I have one story to tell Well, I went the other night in this adjacent village. There they have a bar and there's a kind of dancing. One guy from locals explained me how to get there from the bus stop. It is really not too far - about 10 minutes to walk. The village is small, maybe 10 thousand people. And I run out of beer, so I decided to combine these two businesses.

  -Kind of - if I do not find the girls, so at least I'll warm up.

  -Yes. If I dont find a girl, then at least I'll buy a beer. I got there about 8 p.m., and the last bus to the plant goes at 10p.m.

  -Well okay. You just got an hour and a half to find the girl, five minutes to get behind the barn for emotional sex, buy the beer and run back to the bus stop.

  -Koifman, I immediately feel that Im talking to project engineer. Everything calculated to the minute, as in the work schedule. Ha-ha-ha. In short, I came to this local "night club"...

  -Are you went there alone?

  -Of cause alone. You refused to go with me.

  -Oh yeah! Otherwise we would shake this village upside down. The population would increase threefold!

  -You better listen further. I tried to convince people, nobody agreed. One neighbor is already was drunk in the smoke. The Romanian is even afraid go to the toilet. He probably believes that still leaves under communism regime and shaking.

  -And what about your Spanish speaking friends?

  -They are morons! Not kidding. In the evenings they sit in their house, put drawings on the table, and talk in Spanish. From their conversation I just can pick up some international words, like: a conveyor belt, a bolt, and, more briefly, something related to the job. I thought they were hot machos...

  -They are cold engineers.

  -Well yes. More legends about these Spanish machos. Now listen further... We came to the night club. Just for you to understand - the village club in Siberia in comparison with this barn, this is like a Kremlin Palace in comparison with your house. It's dark, noisy and dirty. Seats a dozen local machos. All small, like children. Leo, honestly, theyre only as high as my belly button. Women even lower! One foot lower than local machos and age cant be determined at all. If I would meet her in Toronto I will be sure that she is twelve years old. Well, a maximum of thirteen.

This was a garden of children. I sat down at the table, took a beer and smiled to the people around. They looked at me from the beginning with interest, and then got used to it. I sat for half an hour, sucked already two beers, but no one came up. Okay, I took a third beer. And time goes by. And beer cost five bucks! In an hour the bus departs. Literally, Im running out of time. Not funny. Then it seemed to me that one of these "teenagers" looking at me and smiling. I winked at her and showed her a glass of beer. She kind of nods and smiles. Coming over. Well, I took her a beer and ask: Como estaz siniora?

  -Wow. Sounds strong. Do you know Spanish?

  -From where? But in critical situations, I probably can speak Chinese. She started mumbling something in Spanish, and I with an intelligent look answer: "Si siniora, si." And she laughs loudly.

  -So maybe she asked you: Nikolay, are you an idiot? And when you answered: "Si, Si" she laugh

-I dont care who asked and what. I would like come to my business as soon as possible, especially only 30 minutes left before the bus departure. Then she again told me something and went to the exit. Well, I understand that she kind of hints me. I quickly finished the beer and followed her. Well, we are going somewhere. Dark. Strange. She tells me something, and I just repeat "si-si seniora". And she laughs all the time. Well, I'm thinking to myself: the bus has only 15 minutes to leave. So... If right now I'll run to the bus stop, and even during my way back I dont get lost, then maybe I'll be in time. And on the other hand tomorrow it is Saturday, so if she leads me to her place, then I can easily spend the night with her. Finally we approached a crooked cabin from the wooden shields. She went inside, and I remained standing outside. She didnt show to me that she invites me to come in. I'm waiting. It is already too late run to the bus stop. About ten minutes later the door opens and some aboriginal guys with little children came out. They saw me and told me something in Spanish, and after that they started to laugh, but not aggressively. I would say friendly.

-Of cause, not every day clowns from Canada performs the classic si-si senior, - devilishly joked Leo.

- Anyway, I got completely confused. What exactly going onThey probably thought I was kind of potential groom? In short, I told them: si, si senioras, and slowly started to move aside. After that just run away from this place.

  -I got confused as well Are they her parents? Or maybe she is a prostitute and they came to protect her from problematic client?

  -This is what Im talking about! I have no clue what it was. Whatever. It's cold at night, so I would not want to sleep on the street. In general, I went to a bus stop. I hoped maybe I'll catch a taxi to the factory. And then Leo, you will not believe I got lucky! From liquor store, one guy from our factory is coming out! I jumped on him, almost hugged. In general, I happily bought five boxes of beer and we went back to the factory.

  -Its hell of the story... Lucky you, so lucky. Say thanks to God for not be beaten. You could find much more problematic adventures on your ass.

  -Absolutely. No doubts, it could be much more painful. They could get out a machete and check my guts.

  -Okay, with hard emotional sex, I hope, you're done. And how at work?

  - Oh boy. This Francisco picking on me, and honestly, I dont even understand what he wants. He really got me... He yells on me like Im a boy.

  - Wow! I thought you're friends... He recommended you.

  - He is a condom! Leo, just look... Two days ago he sent me again to the smelter for some measurement. And my leg this day was in real pain. I explained it to Francisco in detail and said that Im sorry, but today I cant go.

  -And the next day you already run after the girls without any pain?

  -Again?! Why do you start?! I'm telling you how it was. Well, what the hell am I going to do there, in this hell, especially with a broken leg? They even dont have there any basic dust-cleaning system! Dust like a fog, and so hot... You will go there five-six times to take a measurement and your lungs will fall off.

  -And how do the others work there?

  -I somehow dont care! They will work like this for five years, and in age 50 will move to the cemetery.

  -Well, did you draw at least one drawing? I know, just for fun.

  - If they give me something I will draw. Dont start with your sarcasm!

  - Listen, Nikolay, maybe you need to look for an emotional job?

  -Stop to pin me up! Not funny already! I'm here so far from the family, from the children, under this killing sun, in this ecological hell...

  -In which you refused to go.

  - What do you want from me?! There are some dudes there who are doing nothing. Anyway, I'm tired of all this shit. This is soul-sucking In short, I'll come to Toronto and say that I will not go to Panama anymore. Ask them to find me something in the office.

  -But you got this job just because you have to go to Panama.

  -And here you go. I went once. And now let others to work hard here, who are younger... It has to be some turn. Or they thought that they are smart. I mean, smart-asses who seats in the offices!

  -So you'll be fired immediately.

  -Who knows? Or maybe not get fired. Well, if I get fired, then maybe it is for better. I'll find a normal job.

  -So you, what... When you will arrive, you will call to the HR department?

  -No. I'll wait calmly for two weeks, and on the flight day I'll call and say that I'm sick. I didnt have time to use all my benefits. My wife already used her part and in two weeks I just will finish all my part. And I dont think that I get fired immediately. Big company, long stories...They will call me to discuss And they have many procedures And maybe they transfer me to another project in Toronto. OK, bye. I'll go to drink coffee. I'm tired today. I have arthritis on my wrists again. Difficult to hold mouse in the hand.

9

  Grechko had many guests in a house. Nikolay gave a banquet in honor of his return. Koifmans wife was delayed by a traffic jam. This turned out to be very useful as it gave Nikolay time to tell to the guests about the scary working conditions in Panama. The absence of any safety standards, nor the professionalism of local people the whole thing. If he didnt feel responsible for his family, he insisted, he would never have gone there. Someone jokingly asked: "What about local women? Are there any cute ones?"

  - Ha, you never can say that they are women. They are so short - all up to my belt. So you can see only the top of the head. And guys, you will not believe, they are all so small, as a children. And Im not a pedophile. Ha-ha-ha.

  Finally Koifman appeared and all amicably sat down at the table. Glasses were full with wine. Someone even shouted: "For the return!" But Grechko vigorously stood up and solemnly raised his glass.

  -Dear friends. I do not often give toasts, but today I would like to say something short and important from the bottom of my heart.

  I've been married more than twenty-five years... And every year I love my wife more and more. It's even scary to imagine how I'll love her when we will retire. These six weeks, which I spent without her, just prove me once again about my lucky choice. This choice I did many years ago without any doubts. I'm not just bored there, I just counted minutes...

  -Ooo, - all the women breathed out at once and looked with envy at Nikolay's wife.

  -And as soon as I saw her, I immediately understood... Whatever money they will paid there, I will not leave the house anymore. And it doesnt matter that I'm probably to be fired, but... But I'll start looking for work here, next to the house, and next to my beautiful wife. For you my dear!

  -Ooo, - all women exhaled again and looked at Nikolay's wife with moistened eyes. She blushed and waved her hand.

  After a dense dinner, but before dessert, the men gathered near the fireplace with some rum Grechko had brought from Panama. In the distance, women helped the hostess to clean the table and arrange clean dishes. Nikolay, relaxed on the couch, talked about Panama in detail: exotic fruits, jungle, high mountains, sticking out of the morning mist, bloody sunsets and the beauty of the Panama Canal.

  - Listen, Nikolay... How are the local women?

 - It's better for you not to know about this, - the host smiled graciously, - Some girls are so... Big ass, bronze skin, temperament... I'm not going to share details, but as the classic said: there are girls in Panamanian villages! It's like explaining the taste of strawberries to a person who has never eaten it. And in general, the people are very friendly, - Grechko looked timidly at Koifman.

  Leo slowly sipped rum, without interfering with Nikolays press conference.

  In the evening, returning home, Koifman's wife sternly looked at Leo and philosophically asked:

  -Could you give up a well-paid job because of love?

  -Yes, easily. I would be at home, love you, and you would be working instead of me.

  -What kind of person are you?! - Koifman's wife sniffed, - youve told me all kinds of nasty things about Nikolay... that hes foolish a weak designer who doesnt understand what he's drafting... But look how he loves his wife! You'd better take an example from him!

  - Well, I love you too. Even more than Nikolay.

  -Yah You always with your jokes I'm serious...

  -Nikolay is a good fellow, of course. Otherwise, we wouldnt be friends. Honestly, his toast was marvelous. He probably was preparing it all these six weeks in Panama.

  -Okay, drive carefully. The snow has not really been removed. It is slippery. Koifman took a napkin and with pleasure blew his nose.

  And somewhere far away in sunny Panama, on the sunny beaches of the ocean, the short machos sat in luxurious bars, drinking bluish tequila and stroking big-ass girls on their bronze skin.