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The tenth letter of Mizhappar of the short novel of Holder Volcano

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  The tenth letter of Mizhappar of the short novel of Holder Volcano
   We, Yuldashvoy, Mamadiar and I, are sitting in the headquarters office at the table, which was missing one leg, and suddenly we hear the heartbreaking sounds of a siren. With surprise we quickly went out into the yard of an abandoned pigsty, and saw the car of a mental hospital. Thinking that they came for us, we in a panic ran away. But one of the doctors stopped us by screaming into a tin mouthpiece. -
   Friends, don't be afraid! We're not here for you, wait, please! We brought your leader Qurumboy ! Honestly, he's boring us! We don't want to treat him anymore! We want to get rid of him once and for all! We have never met such a sick person, and God forbid that we do not meet him in the future! He politicized our patients, and now they are actively demanding their human rights! - he said, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the long sleeve of his white robe.
   We both kind of felt sorry for the doctor. At this time two paramedics crews began to unload the stretcher, on which lay forever the irreplaceable leader of our party Qurumboy Qoramoygutalin Moriqultezak Tappitutuniy like a dead Pharaoh Ramses II, with a serious face. The doctors put down Qurumboy and the doctor who stopped us said:
   - Take your leader and be careful. It's the devil in human form. We barely calmed him down with tranquilizers. We'll leave a stretcher for you... Goodbye and don't call us again. - Still not coming.
   We nodded, mentally agreeing.
   Sitting on the car, the doctors quickly left.
   We raised Qurumboy Qoramoygutalin Moriqultezak Tappitutuniy, brought him into the staff office and laid him, in the feeder for pigs. Here Qurumboy came in himself.
   -Where am I? - He asked, looking at the ceiling with a huge opening.
   - You are in a pigpen, that is, at home, comrade Commander! - I said with great joy.
   Then we asked:
   - Do you recognize us, comrade commander?
   - Why not? Of course, I remember you all. You, for example, martial artist Mizhappar, this guy is comrade Yuldashvoy, and the Commissioner Mamadiar. Is everything okay with me? Why am I lying on a pig feeder? - Qurumboy cheered us up fully recovering.
   - Don't worry, comrade Commander, You're all right. You are at your home, in a pigpen. You only slept a little - said Mamadiar.
   - Well, thank nature and Charles Darwin! - said Qurumboy. Then he stood up and, filling his pipe in the hay, lighting it. Then he asked about party affairs, about the life of the poor people, about democracy and freedom of thought.
   - It's all right - we said.
   -It would be nice if we urgently convened an extraordinary Congress of our party - said Qurumboy, looking sadly into the distance through the hole that formed on the clay wall of our office.
   - Members of our party are all here, and now we can start the Congress - said Yuldashvoy, as if reporting.
   -No, comrade Yuldashvoy the secret service might have installed small cheap microphones here. For safety's sake, we're gonna have to run the Convention in secluded places. What if we take it to the mountains, which are formed from garbage? - Qurumboy asked.
   - Well - we said in unison.
   Thus, having decided to change the venue of the Congress, we went to the mountains, which were formed from garbage taken out of the city. Before the Congress, we set up camp and decided to eat. We started a fire, took the meat from the breed "Bulldog" and carefully put in a pot of water.
   - Oh, shit, we forgot to take the most important thing with us! - Mamadiar said.
   - Vodka? asked Yuldashvoy.
   - No, we have vodka, thank nature and Charles Darwin! We forgot the salt! - regretfully said Mamadiar.
   We guiltily looked at Qurumboy. He tore off an armful of last year's grass, tightly filled his pipe with it. Then, lighting it up, he said:
   - Bodyguard Mizhappar, ordered on behalf of the revolutionary Committee, go for the salt!
   - We have to go get salt, comrade Commander! I said. The order of the commander is not negotiable, so I came down from the garbage mountain down to the mine and brought back the the salt. I went down and walked on the road towards the mountain village. A car drove up here, and I raised my hand in the hope of stopping it. The car stopped near me and two men in black jackets and black glasses came out. One of them asked:
   - Have you ever done any sports? - he said.
   - Of course, that is, I was engaged in sports and now I am engaged. I'm a famous martial artist Mizhappar. Can I show you some submissions?
   - Perhaps, no, not really - he said, and suddenly took out from inside his cloak a small collapsible sledgehammer and hit me on the head. I didn't even have time to defend myself. I woke up in some institution and I asked:
   - Where am I?
   -You in a safe place, don't worry, a bum - said a muscular man with a cigar in his teeth. Then he inhaled a cigar and said: :
   - You're going to the Olympics. You will, as they say, defend the honor of our team, as one of our athletes broke his leg when doing a somersault, jumping from the balcony of a multi-story building.
   - Is he a fool or something?! Why jump from a high-rise building without a parachute?! - I was surprised.
   -How do you explain, well, in short, without warning, returned from a business trip which her husband of his mistress arrived. And our athlete had to jump from the balcony.
   - Okay, but how can I go to the Olympics without proper training? I have to take salt to my friends who brewed medicinal soup from dog meat on a garbage mountain! We must hold the second Congress of our party - I said rejecting their words.
   - The Congress will have to wait. This is bigger than that. Don't you have a sense of patriotism? Do not you catch the call of our poor long-suffering homeland?! Well, are you going or not? If not, then you and I will have a very short conversation. With these words the big man with a cigar in his teeth pulled out from under the table sawed off a hunting rifle with a telescopic sight and a silencer.
   - Well, and, if the homeland calls, I perhaps, I will go to the Olympic games - I told him with caution looking at a double-barrel with an optical sight and with a silencer.
   - That's another matter, my friend - said the big man with a cigar in his mouth.
   So, we went to the Olympics, which took place on some island, which was located in the Bermuda triangle. A maize farmer sat on the airfield of the Olympic village. On both sides of the streets stood the islanders, holding flags and greeting me. I waved my hand to them, occasionally sending beautiful girls kisses.
   On the first day of the Olympics I participated in running competitions. I stood at the start with rivals and looked at them with fright at the person standing near me with the gun in his hands. Suddenly he heard a shot, scared to my opponents I ran at thew speed of light. The man with the gun almost shot me. I know martial arts, so I ran away so quickly that I got ahead of all my rivals. As i was running I thought:
   - We're being chased by a group of policemen at the head of the district Shigabuddinov armed mid-war pistols which is of English manufacture.
   I ran until I was tired and fell to the wet ground. I see all the islanders congratulate me on my successful rescue. I thanked them. The next day they put me on a helicopter to send me back. I was given a gold medal for running, they rewarded me in the form of a fee like a sack of potatoes grown in Chernobyl radioactive exclusion zone where 1986 exploded of the fourth unit of the Nuclear power plant and a packet of salt, then took me to the mountains, which were formed from the debris, where I waited for my friends in the party of the abandoned pigsty. Qurumboy thanked me for bringing not only salt, but also a bag of potatoes, rich in proteins and hydrocarbons. I have it for today, Mr. Sitmrat
   Until new letters!
   Olympic Champion,
   The body guard of Qurumboy martial artist Mizhappar.
   28 August 2008,
   6 hours 55 minutes in the evening.
   Garbage mountain pass "Chapaev".
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