Пряхин Андрей Александрович : другие произведения.

A rendezvous of a Young Lady with a Hussar in the forest

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    A MODERN RUSSIAN FOLKISH FARCICAL SKETCH The Comedy Woman - `A rendezvous of a Young Lady with a Hussar in the forest`. An excellent sketch played by the excellent Russian actress Nataliya Medvedeva and actor Alexandre Goodkov, my favourite ones. Unfortunately, the video is being nonshowable for the time being, so we`re being deprived of a great pleasure to enjoy acting of the brilliant artistic pair. That`s pity, because THAT JOKE IS A CLASSIC!
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  The Comedy Woman/Comedy Club`s sketch, played by Nataliya Medvedeva
  & Alexandre Goodkov
  A RENDEZ-VOUS OF A YOUNG LADY WITH A HUSSAR
  IN THE FOREST
  Hussar (actress Natalie Medvedeva) (cleaning his rifle): Who, who put you into there?
  You`re supposed to be a small brown animal! Ah! I see you`re a nibbler! Well, keep
  sitting there until your time comes.
  Lady (actor Alexandre Goodkov) (in a singsong): Where, oh where have you, cuckoo,
  led me to? Where have you led my hollow of a tree trunk to, my family tree hollow?
  Hussar: You`ve nevertheless come, my angel!
  Lady: (Suddenly in a man`s voice): Who`s there?
  Hussar: Cornet Swollen-Teatov can`t wait you waiting!
  Lady: My mommy forbids my flirting with the forest hussars.
  Hussar: Let it be! What about your daddy?
  Lady: My daddy`s on my side!
  Hussar: Splendid! You my larva ...
  Lady: What?!
  
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  Hussar: Excuse me, my pupa, my dolly, but have you read my letter?
  Lady: Can`t understand ... What are you about? I`ve been walking in this forest quite
  by chance, I occurred to be near this rotten stub absolutely occasionally, just in six
  steps from this place, dexterously!
  Hussar: Sorry, Miss, after a shell shock I can`t catch all right if you`re kidding or not.
  By that reason I have to ask you once more if you have read it or not?
  Lady: Yes, I`ve read it! While going to this place, to you, I`ve been thinking if I`m
  doing right or wrong, and ... I`ve lost my knickers!
  CORNET IS GROWLING
  Lady: Stop growling! Or else I may turn, put my knickers on and go away.
  Hussar: Natalie, you`ve got such a sexy voice!
  Lady: Just my heartburn!
  Hussar: You are my ... elastic trunk! You`re my ... quivering yellow leaf! You`re
  my ... bending branchlet!
  Lady: I should say!
  Hussar: You`re ... my black dotted white rind! Natalie, let`s step back from this
  birch tree, or my birch compliments gonna finish right now!
  Lady: I see you are a romanticist at heart!
  Hussar: Nope, I am a carpenter at heart. I like to hammer ...
  Lady: What?
  Hussar: Maybe, not `what`, but `where`.
  Lady: Where?
  Hussar: Maybe, not `where`, but `where to`.
  Lady: Where to?
  Hussar: Maybe, even not `where to`, but `whom`.
  Lady:Whom?
  Hussar: Maybe, even not `whom`, but `how`.
  Lady: How?
  Hussar: Natalie, you are treating yourself to ...
  Lady: To what?
  Hussar: To WH-words, Natalie!
  Lady: I am not stupid, `cuz I`ve found that stub. Not dumb `cuz I am here.
  
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  Hussar: Natalie! Silence! Forget it! Literally, I say, literally in a couple of hours
  our regiment is to set out in the direction of Smolensk, therefore you and me are
  to set out in the direction of a mild lawn over there. A.S.A.P.!
  Lady: You`re a lustful libertine!
  Hussar: Natalie, gimme your little hand!
  Lady: My poems first!
  Hussar (stage whisper): Fuck! Gotta listen to you.
  Lady:
  She wanted to be laid indeed!
  There were laid all normal people.
  There were laid her grandma,
  Her sister, mother`s husband's brother`s aunt
  Her cousin, elder brother, rather ladylike ...
  
  Hussar: Stop! After all you family had been laid, when will you lie down at last?
  Lady: Oi! A bee! A bee! It has just been right here! (pointing out to her breasts)
  Do you know that if it had stung you just one time it would have died?
  Hussar: I wish I stung you one time and died!
  Lady: Skip it! You are not a bee! You are a hussar!
  THE HUSSAR IS TEARING AWAY HER FROCK
  Lady: Ah!
  Hussar: Arse! That`s something like an arse!
  Lady: You mean my figure or a situation?
  HUSSAR IS BREAKING DOWN AND HIKING HIMSELF ONTO HER
  Hussar: Na-ta-lie!
  THE END
  
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