A long time ago there lived a poor peasant in a village. One day the man went to the forest and cut down some birch trees for firewood. Then he loaded a cart with the firewood and went to the market to sell the wood at a good price. Suddenly the landlord came to the man and asked:
"Hey, man, what do you charge for your straw?"
"What do you mean, sir, it's not straw, but birch firewood!"
The gentleman pulled out his horsewhip, lashed the guy against his back and asked again:
"So, how much do you want for the straw?"
"It's up to you," - said the man, - "as much as you can give."
The gentleman paid for the wagon of wood as for a wagon of straw, and moved off.
The next time, the peasant went to the market to sell his bull. And again he met the same landlord on the road. The gentleman asked the poor:
"Hi, old chap, what do you want for your billy goat?"
"What do you understand by this, sir, it's not a goat, but my bull!"
The gentleman pulled out his whip, beat the man up from hell to breakfast and asked then:
"All right for you! How much are you really asking for the billy goat?"
"As you like," - said the man, - "take it or leave it."
The gentleman paid for the bull as for a goat and was about to leave, but the man said:
"Let me just cut the tail off the bull - to remember that once I had this beast."
The gentleman allowed him to do it.
"Thank goodness for that!" - said the man. Then he went forward a little and shouted:
"Wait a bit, master, you beat me twice, so you will be beaten three times for your `kindness'!"
The gentleman pulled out the whip, but "the bird" had flown.
A long or a little time have passed - it occurred to the landlord to start building a windmill. When the peasant heard about this, he shaved off his beard and moustache, dressed up in clean clothes, took a saw, an axe, and other tools - neither more nor less a carpenter - and went to the windmill as a job seeker. The master did not recognize the poor and took him to work.
One day the landlord was going to select several trees for felling. There he went to the forest and took two men with him. He left the horses with one servant, and walked into the woods with another man - the carpenter. The carpenter was going through the forest and looking for strong trees, but suddenly he stopped and began rummaging in his pockets.
"Ah, damn you! I have forgotten my yardstick at the mill," - recollected the man.
"Oh, do not worry, I will send the servant for the yardstick," - the master reassured him.
When the servant ran home for the yardstick, the master with the carpenter stayed in the woods, waiting for him.
"So long is going your servant!" - said the carpenter. - "But don't worry, there is another way to measure trees. You, sir, hug a tree, mind its size for yourself, open the arms, and I will measure the tree size with a span of your hand. We don't measure trees in a different way."
The master put his hands around the tree; the carpenter bound the hands to the tree, pulled the bull's tail from his pocket and asked,
"Whose is this tail?"
"The bull's tail," - answered the gentleman.
"What a fool you are! You cannot distinguish the bull's tail from the goat's scut!" And the man began whipping his master with the bull's tail! Then he stopped, pointed at a tree and asked:
"What is this?" "A birch," - said the gentleman.
"The more fool you are! You cannot distinguish the straw from the birch!" - said the poor man and then he resumed to slap the living shit out of him. The man was beating him, as much as he can, and then he said before leaving:
"Once you have got it, but the two more are left for you."
By that time the servant returned and saw his master tied to the tree, barely alive. He untied his master, poured water on his head to revive the unhappy man, and drove him home.
The landlord got sick, but he was ashamed to tell his doctors, that he was beaten by the poor man. He did not even allow them to examine his body. There were doctors from Vilnius and Kaunas, who tried to help him, but no one could understand what happened to him.
When our peasant learnt about the sickness of the landlord, he stuck a grey beard on his chin and dressed up in long clothes. He poured cabbage pickle in one vial and poured beet pickle in another vial. He took three hemp seeds and went to his former master to treat him.
Having come there, he looked at the patient from afar and said:
"You were beaten with a bull's tail!"
The landlord was very surprised! None of the city's doctors could diagnose his illness, but that country bumpkin told the whole truth straightway. The unlucky master begged the healer to take care of him and to kick out the illness.
"All that you need to do," - said the healer, - "is to warm the Russian bath as hot as possible and take a bathe there."
The patient immediately ordered to heat the bath, and then the servants brought him there. The healer also came to the bath with his drugs. He gave servants three hemp seeds and said:
"You'd better go home, place the seeds into a vial with water and shake the vial until the water will be white!"
The healer was left in the Russian bath alone with his patient. The peasant pulled the bull's tail from his pocket and asked:
"Whose is the tail?"
"The goat's scut, honest to God!" - shouted the rich man.
"What a fool! Surely, don't you see that this is the bull's tail? You just wait, I'll teach you to distinguish the bull's tail from the goat's scut!"
And again the poor man beat him up from hell to breakfast. The man finished beating and said before leaving:
"The two lessons you have got but one more is left for you."
The gentleman had hardly overcome his illness. He was frightened of the poor to death. He confessed to his doctors that the peasant had beaten him - that is why he was ill. He always kept his nose clean and never stuck his neck out without servants. But the poor man was going to teach the gentleman for the third time. Some days later, "the teacher" learnt that the gentleman has recovered and was going to make a pilgrimage - to serve a thanksgiving duty.
The peasant went to a Gypsy - that man was well known in the whole district for his frisky horse - and said to him:
"Help me to beat the landlord and you'll earn one rouble."
The Gypsy dressed in the peasant's clothes, sat on the horse and hid in the roadside bushes, waiting for the landlord. When he saw his carriage, he began shouting:
"Sir, the two you have got but one more is left for you!"
"This is him, the dirty man, jackal! Catch him, bind him, slay him to death!" - the enraged gentleman yelled to his servants.
The servants chased for the Gypsy, but there was no question of that! The Gypsy, astride his slashing horse, had already galloped away! And then the peasant came out from behind the bush. He pulled his former master off the carriage, stuck the bull's tail under his nose and asked:
"Whose tail is this?"
"What's there to ask?" - said the gentleman through tears. - "Beat then, don't tease me."
The poor man beat the landlord again and said then before leaving:
"We are even-steven for the wood and the bull. But now you owe me money for treatment, because you are likely cured of the illness till your dying day!"
![Willy-nilly the Healer [Славянский Владимир Владимирович]](/img/s/slawjanskij_wladimir_wladimirowich/willy-nillythehealer/willy-nillythehealer.jpg)