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  my dreams are vivid torn and red the reality ain't so red otherwise not so different my intestines brains nerves lungs feel torn and red when i gasp and whimper lost in the oppressing force in the middle of a naked march forest grasping for fresh sprouts of grass the seals have been lifted connection established exchange initiated demons summoned sun locked a few inches above the horizon its orange stare firing at the back of my skull as i struggle to catch a breath in his deadly grip
  
  everything lit and golden glowing in the sunset like liquid steel in the furnace like locks of hair melting away in ritual fire
  
  getta grip deadly unbearable truly magnificent like caiman jaws iron gears of heavy machinery clasping and grinding screeching and humming
  
  i thank the void for the searing sweetness of his eerily yellow gaze his gentle kiss his cautious caress his soft voice and modest manners because thankfully there's nothing nice about the way he likes to fuck
  
  fuck me into the ground into submission into perfect dead stillness out of conscience until i go numb lost in the endless nowhere in tarry blackness of his lonely droning dreams neverending doom always impending deep hard and slow dense and fuzzy like a sludge riff
  
  that contrast between coexisting contradicting vectors makes me quiver drives me mad it is the reason i avoid until the need gets overwhelming it's the reason i always don't want to when i do cos it's dreadful it's what makes you a monster whom i turn into my secret deity and hide it away so you don't know you're a deity don't wanna add to your collection of means of manipulation and leverage you're so proficient at handling
  
  scratching my face on the brushwood deep in the cold bare forest under the frigid stare of the falling sun i run out of breath and tremble on the verge of a blackout i bury my fingers in the mellow dry dirt to reach all the dead waiting for me in the ground feel them licking and gnawing at the scarred skin of my fingertips i let go spilling pleasure and pain i am filled with into their maws open greedily shabby and toothless they cheer and praise crumbling away into dust flowing in fluids to break loose in toxic greenery of spring leaves first humble flowers around
  
  grazing my knees against cold dusty soil littered with twigs branches fallen leaves that survived under the snow i make out the raging roar of the river nearby as he keeps stuffing me with his meat and blood his bile and tears his sorrow and ragged fever dreams i listen to its chilling spring song
  
  i remember the taste of late winter river in my lungs ever since childhood that very day i forgot how to cry i discovered that breathing is not necessary it hurt too much to breathe after she pulled me out and drew the water out anyway so i thought breathing was so primitive wasn't it time to move on
  
  the dead shine below in soft putrid tones of decay endlessly smiling welcoming me in vain as i whiten with electricity invincible like a storm up above they bare and grind their rotten teeth in jealousy as i fill with red flames grinning face down in the ground
  
  sinking my canine teeth into the smooth skin of his forearm as i unload aching hot pearly white on the ground when he pushes deeper i choke on a scream and swallow it back to preserve the noisy forest silence we're sunken in comforting deafening his skin dusky with weak bronze luster feels delicious as it breaks on my teeth
  
  i don't dare bite his fingers as i secretly worship his hands the bare essence of strength raw and primal yet elegant in a way eye-pleasing with palms half my head and fingers so long i choke on them easily when they wander into my mouth those are hands of a pagan always able and willing to shred me to pieces yet confined in that painfully gentle caress
  
  messing with my circuitry
  
  messing with my circuitry
  
  can't be helped that i always struggle with the urge to rip at your throat shoot you dead cut you open and disembowel bearing with monsters is despicable that is my function in life that lies lost somewhere nearby flowing beside like a river
  
  i remember the stunning sting of the icy cold water below and the dead await patiently always watching my step still and obedient locked underground where you come from
  
  gaping wound of a tunnel not far away howling with echoes of omnipresent trains can't be helped that i don't wanna stop and leave can't be helped that i have trouble with balance so shattered by his meat-n-greed his devil grip i can't tell dream from delire from reality i can't even stand properly too distracted by the throbbing imprint of his hot punishing dick i still feel stuck so deep inside it intertwines with my heartbeat messing with my circuitry so i sit back down on the ground and go for a smoke must be cold here naked now that we're finished but i can't feel my skin to make sure can't feel my shivers beneath his pale lips on my chest on my neck on my thighs on my knees grazed bloodied covered in dust
  
  days like this we barely talk speech is alien out in the nowhere preserved for the need to convert nonsense to third parties
  
  it's a shame they exist
  
  it's a shame we still do
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